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Recently, I lost a race to a roa'ter and promptly died at the finish line. I was extremely grateful to the nice young ranger who happened to stop and help me out. A young empath soon arrived and whisked me back to Erebor Square... albeit not without some difficulty. I was then dragged unceremoniously through the streets of Landing until we happened upon a cleric in the park.
Needless to say, my new coat and shoes were in shreds by the time we arrived. I am at a loss as to how to explain to my husband that I need to replace them. Do you think the empath would be upset if I sent her the bill? I did give her a very generous tip.
Don't Drag the Demurely Dressed
Dear Dressed,
Why did you tip her if you were displeased with her service? It would be silly to ask her to foot the bill after you TIPPED her for ruining your clothes! Use that money wisely and buy some clothing for the hunt instead. Don't wear your Restday Best to do battle with giant worms.
I have been very happily married to the man of my dreams for almost a year now. Never did I expect to fall for another man. My husband has been away on business a lot these past seven months and my new friend has helped to fill the void. We spend hours sharing poetry and songs and walks around town. Now he is starting to offer me rather expensive gifts. I have introduced him to my husband and the rest of my family. Do you think I should accept the gifts?
Maddened by Multiple Males
Dear Maddened,
I've heard of the seven year itch, but seven MONTHS? After only seven months you're finding other men to fill your voids? For shame! Even if he's giving you gifts (which you should keep) such excursions will do nothing more than feed my gossip circles. One of these men needs to be introduced to the curb, Maddened, whether it be the man of your dreams or the poet bearing gifts.
My father left home and went on a long journey two years ago. The other day I saw him and went running up to him....but alas! He didn't even know who I was! I'm completely heartbroken, and even though I keep trying to talk to him, he is now avoiding me completely. What could have happened to him?
Paternal Problems
Dear Problems,
A vicious plague of soul-sucking leeches is rumored to be the root of this evil. Bartering in means beyond our worldly comprehensions, these leeches snatch the bodies of the ones we've known, loved and respected and convert them into shameful shambles of their former selves. Be wary, reader!
On a brighter note, he may have simply forgotten. Two solid years of travelling could have worn out his mind even more so than the trail wore out his boots. Perhaps a reintroduction is in order?